We have all been there.


Stuck in a rut.

So many of those should haves, would haves, could haves. So many self-doubts. So many fears. So many resentments. Just like you, my past mistakes have caused a lot of problems for me and caused a lot of pain for others.

How We Cause Paralysis in Our Lives

We all cycle through those embarrassing, humiliating or angering past scenarios in our heads over and over… and over and over. It’s human nature, after all. We ambitiously to try to improve ourselves by telling ourselves things like, “If I had only done that, or if I hadn’t been so _____ (you can fill in the blank here).”  Or things like, “Next time I’ll be sure to say ——–.”

We think that by replaying the situation or circumstance over and over in our minds, we can ensure we don’t stumble or make a mistake like that in the future.

These cycling thoughts and scenes we replay in our heads over and over is what causes most fear-based paralysis in our lives.  We become so afraid to make a decision. Afraid of putting ourselves out there. Afraid of speaking up in a meeting. Afraid of confronting a co-worker (or – god-forbid – our manager – yikes!).

We cycle through a variety of scenarios, psyching ourselves out as we replay every possible humiliating thing that could possibly happen. So we engage with fear on a very real, very profound level.

Fear of what might happen. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the possible consequences (especially if we’ve experienced horrifically humiliating or excruciatingly painful consequences to similar decisions we’ve made in the past).  Fear of what others might think of you (this one sometimes really sticks me back into a corner, rather than participating in a conversation I know I can add value to).

Why Replaying Scenarios In Your Mind Is the Wrong Thing to Do When You’re Feeling FEAR

We don’t realize by replaying these scenarios in our mind, we are creating the very energy, (the very rut) that continues to attract those same circumstances to us over and over again. We continue to recreate those energetic patterns in our lives that just seem to continually attract the same scenario, same person or same experience spontaneously!


If we take a look at the subconscious level, it appears to demonstrate that we actually BELIEVE we NEED to relive these things by punishing ourselves with recreating the toxic boss, the toxic job, the toxic lover, the finances or the friend scenario over and over and over again – until something finally triggers us to change.

Paralysis ultimately stems from those very same thought patterns and scenarios you recycle over and over in your head as if you were memorizing a script or laying down asphalt for a permanent road.  In many ways, that’s exactly what you are doing, creating a deep rut in your own brain where the focus flows.

You know the saying, “Where the focus goes, energy flows”.

By focusing on those scenarios and events from your past over and over, you are focusing on outcomes and situations (and yes, even people) you’d really rather not attract to you.

However, by focusing on those very things, you continue to draw them to you.  You are creating deep neural associations to certain negative habits, events or experiences that you labeled as painful.   Any time an event or experience whereby you might encounter similar feelings or risks to yourself, you’ll be more inclined to overreact (rather than react appropriately). Your brain mistakenly deepens and hardens those neural associations. It hopes that by doing so you can avoid experiencing the associated possible pain in the future.

There are many ways our silly minds trick us into doing really stupid things. My favorite book on neural associative patterns and the dumb things our brains do is A Mind of It’s Own, How Your Brain Distorts and Deceives You by the brilliant Cordelia Fine.

The problem is that this sort of patterning eventually leads to paralysis in many areas of your life, which leads to a stagnation, which in turn, leads you (and me) into a rut. Where we face dead end after dead end. What’s really happening? Well, we simply keep returning to the same place, to come face-to-face with ourselves. Our perceived limits. Our perceived weaknesses. Our doubts. Our fears.


There are different forms of paralysis that exists, depending on the life situation you are dealing with.

Spiritual/Energetic Paralysis

This is a symptom from a traumatic past event or life situation, where a part of you feels missing or lost.

Spiritual paralysis can affect your ability to heal yourself fully. No matter the belief system or faith path you follow, spiritual paralysis will block you from living fully, authentically and reaching your promised destination or life lesson.

Some shamans talk about a piece of the soul missing due to the trauma that led a part of the spirit to be fractured and left behind within that event. This form of paralysis continues on no matter how you proceed forward in your life, until you resolve the trauma. You will continue to lead yourself back in circles to similar circumstances or situations where you are blocked or trapped.

Once you experience this life event (even if it’s from a past life circumstance) fully in the present moment, now and you are able to confront your beliefs about yourself, you can retrieve that missing piece of yourself. Only then you can merge and heal yourself fully, moving on into your true life or soul purpose.

Mental or Emotional Paralysis

Mental or emotional paralysis is often deeply internalized – through repeated internalization of  thoughts and beliefs. I have extensive personal experience with PTSD and Generalized Anxiety Disorder, so can personally attest and relate to this situation. These cyclical thoughts and scenarios eventually become automated programs your brain learns how to trigger. The reason it WANTS to trigger these thoughts and scenarios – often seemingly randomly? Because it is ADDICTED to the adrenal producing hormones it releases by running those programs.

I am referring to an addiction to negative energy or negative emotions. Many people are addicted to these energies, in a very real, very physical way. There is a complex set of systems that the brain can trigger in order to release the addictive chemical (usually hormones) the body is capable of producing (frequently this is adrenaline). These programs are often stressful, emotional and mentally paralyzing.  They become instrumental to the brain getting its addictive fix (the adrenal flush).

Once you understand this paradigm: that your brain can become addicted to a chemical your body produces and will use every mean at its disposal to manifest a fix, you can understand why the cyclical thought patterns become almost impossible to quell or stop. It is because the all the various programs your brain runs automatically to trigger the fix become memorized at the cellular membrane level so they can be activated at any given moment, subsequently resulting in auto-hyper-reactive anger, frustration, fear, panic, dissociation, retaliation or even phobias.

At last you understand the why behind why you are so easily triggered into those toxic, negative emotions!

These emotions are based on thoughts and results in paralysis and an inability to face our own patterns we are using to create and attract our reality into our lives. The brain not only allows these cyclical thought patterns to grow in our mental pictures until they become the monsters in our closet or under our bed we cannot control on our own, but it actually facilitates this process as fast as possible so as to get it’s addictive fix.

Why oh WHY do we have such a monster lurking around in our head?

Paralysis in either spiritual or mental form results in an inability to move ahead in our careers, our personal lives and our spiritual life. It wrecks havoc on our physical health. Fear-triggered Paralysis if left untreated will encourage our negative habits to continue until they become addictions.

We will continue to experience unhealthy consequences in our lives and we will feel we are always running around reacting to life rather than proactively designing and manifesting our life. Thus, we are unable to heal and grow on our own.

How Do We Break Free of the Patterns and Attract Magic and Miracles?

The first thing we can do, as Empowered Goddesses, is to recognize our own patterns as soon as we possibly can.

Identify them, accept them and decide to redirect your energy and focus your choices on OPTIMAL outcomes, for yourself, for your relationships and for your life situations.

I also suggest learning how to take time out for yourself and JOURNAL so you can identify your key triggers. When you are angry, frustrated, stressed out, fearful, lashing out, ask yourself WHY. These feelings are powerful pointers that guide us back to our true nature and empower us to learn strategies and lessons so we can choose to feel better about our lives.

Unlike most folks, I’m not going to tell you it’s unhealthy to feel anger or frustration. I think anger and frustration are potent, powerful, life-serving energies, when we aren’t addicted to them and when they are directed carefully and strategically.

Look at MADD – Mothers Against Drunk Driving. This organization was started due to the seething anger of a mother who lost her child in a drunk driving accident. It’s now one of the most well-respected non-profit organizations in America.

You may be inclined to disagree, but I believe, and many others do as well, that it’s a perfectly healthy  and wonderful sign that you are no longer dissociating from life if you can truly engage in and FEEL the full range of your feelings, positive and negative.