This Article is Part of the Goddess Learning Library
We have all been there as Goddesses.
Stuck in a rut.
Don’t you hate it when that happens? I know I do.
Being an introvert (with a touch of aspergers), it is incredibly hard for me to break out of my shell (yes, I am an introvert and yes, I am incredibly shy). Especially to meet people, even call or email strangers. I LOVE meeting new people, but it’s that social phobia that gets me. I’m just not sure what to do… after I say “hi!”.
It’s even more difficult to promote myself and put myself out there in the wide open world. I’m learning… its true. I have to put my “game face” on, so to speak.
(Yeah, that’s about as game-facey as I get, that great big huge smile of mine!)
I’ve only experienced a fraction of the success I know I am capable of attracting. I know, given my crrraaazzy background, it may seem like I’ve accomplished a lot.
To me, however it’s not NEARLY as much as I know I’m capable of. I want to create MASSIVE CHANGE in this world, for women EVERYWHERE. That’s what enlivens me, gets my blood boiling… and all that jazz.
It takes time to nurture a tribe of people who find value in the work I do…
…and yet, my single greatest frustration lies in why I can’t break free of my own self-imposed paralysis when it comes to the beautiful people of this amazing world.
Mostly I think it’s because I am afraid I’ll say something really dumb, I might hurt someone’s feelings inadvertently, or someone will ridicule me or … you know, worst of worst…I’ll be rejected. Someone just simply won’t like me. Pooh. I know, right? Who could not absolutely LOVE ME? (Now, that’s my Libra self talking!)
My fear of talking to people in public is my biggest fear. It’s the one that paralyzes me most.
And yet, at the same time I so thoroughly enjoy meeting new people, learning their stories, learning how I can be of service or assist them in some way along their path to grow their Passion Purpose. However, I’m corralled by those same feelings of paralysis. Sometimes that paralysis gets so bad, that I cannot even answer my phone.
I once told a person I was interviewing (someone I was trying to desperately attract away from a major competitor and to join my company) that it wasn’t like we just pulled the technology we were developing out of our asses and clumped it together in 48 hours for a VC presentation. ARRGHH… I still, cannot to this day believe I said that!
Have you EVER said something completely BONKERS like that?
I was joking of course, but I’ll never quite live that one down. Even to this day, my partner dies of laughter while he reminds me of the humiliating scene following my completely nerve-wracked, ridiculous comment. A long, uncomfortable silence had extended between everyone as this guy stared at me with a blatant disregard for everything I might have said up to that point before he stood up and walked out of the conference room. Never uttering a word and never to be heard from again.
Mind you we did look exactly like we had crapped something together in our backyard and this guy had NEVER worked for a tech startup before. For all the excuses I could make, including the fact we were burning the midnight oil at both ends of the candle wick back then (I think I was operating on all of about 3 hours of sleep for the past month), I never could quite live this one down, not even in my own mind.
That’s not the worst blunder I’ve made. And I know it certainly won’t be the last. I don’t have the prototypical filter many people have between my brain and my mouth. I also don’t always recognize how words or sentences might affect others until its too late. Many times I speak out, lashing out before another person can strike at me. Only to realize my rash and thoughtless words carried with them unintended consequences.
So many of those should haves, would haves, could haves. Just like you, my past mistakes have caused a lot of problems for me and caused a lot of pain for others.
How We Cause Paralysis in Our Lives
We all cycle through those embarrassing, humiliating or angering past scenarios in our heads over and over… and over and over. It’s human nature, after all. We ambitiously to try to improve ourselves by telling ourselves things like, “If I had only done that, or if I hadn’t been so _____ (you can fill in the blank here).” Or things like, “Next time I’ll be sure to say ——–.”
We think that by replaying the situation or circumstance over and over in our minds, we can ensure we don’t stumble or make a mistake like that in the future.
I can tell you that I believe these cycling thoughts and scenes we replay in our heads over and over is what causes most fear-based paralysis in our lives. We become so afraid to make a decision. Afraid of putting ourselves out there. Afraid of speaking up in a meeting. Afraid of confronting a co-worker (or – god-forbid – our manager – yikes!).
We cycle through a variety of scenarios, psyching ourselves out as we replay every possible humiliating thing that could possibly happen. So we engage with fear on a very real, very profound level.
Fear of what might happen. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the possible consequences (especially if we’ve experienced horrifically humiliating or excruciatingly painful consequences to similar decisions we’ve made in the past). Fear of what others might think of you (this one sometimes really sticks me back into a corner, rather than participating in a conversation I know I can add value to).
Why Replaying Scenarios In Your Mind Is the Wrong Thing to Do When You’re Feeling FEAR
We don’t realize by replaying these scenarios in our mind, we are creating the very energy, (the very rut) that continues to attract those same circumstances to us over and over again. We continue to recreate those energetic patterns in our lives that just seem to continually attract the same scenario, same person or same experience spontaneously!
Well, one perspective says our higher Goddess self knows what’s best for us. She WANTS us to recycle those experiences over and over until we really GET the gist of the lesson.
If we take a look at the subconscious level, it also appears to demonstrate that we actually BELIEVE we NEED to relive these things by punishing ourselves with recreating the toxic boss, the toxic job, the toxic lover, the finances or the friend scenario over and over and over again – until something finally triggers us to change.
Paralysis ultimately stems from those very same thought patterns and scenarios you recycle over and over in your head as if you were memorizing a script or laying down asphalt for a permanent road. In many ways, that’s exactly what you are doing, creating a deep rut in your own brain where the focus flows.
You know the saying, “Where the focus goes, energy flows”.
By focusing on those scenarios and events from your past over and over, you are focusing on outcomes and situations (and yes, even people) you’d really rather not attract to you.
However, by focusing on those very things, you continue to draw them to you. You are creating deep neural associations to certain negative habits, events or experiences that you labeled as painful. Any time an event or experience whereby you might encounter similar feelings or risks to yourself, you’ll be more inclined to overreact (rather than react appropriately). Your brain mistakenly deepens and hardens those neural associations. It hopes that by doing so you can avoid experiencing the associated possible pain in the future.
There are many ways our silly minds trick us into doing really stupid things. My favorite book on neural associative patterns and the dumb things our brains do is A Mind of It’s Own, How Your Brain Distorts and Deceives You by the brilliant Cordelia Fine.
The problem is that this sort of patterning eventually leads to paralysis in many areas of your life, which leads to a stagnation, which in turn, leads you (and me) into a rut. Where we face dead end after dead end. What’s really happening? Well, we simply keep returning to the same place, to come face-to-face with ourselves. Our perceived limits. Our perceived weaknesses. Our doubts. Our fears.
There are different forms of paralysis that exists, depending on the life situation you are dealing with.
This is a symptom from a traumatic past event or life situation, where a part of you feels missing or lost.
Spiritual paralysis can affect your ability to heal yourself fully. No matter the belief system or faith path you follow, spiritual paralysis will block you from living fully, authentically and reaching your promised destination or life lesson.
Some shamans talk about a piece of the soul missing due to the trauma that led a part of the spirit to be fractured and left behind within that event. This form of paralysis continues on no matter how you proceed forward in your life, until you resolve the trauma. You will continue to lead yourself back in circles to similar circumstances or situations where you are blocked or trapped.
Once you experience this life event (even if it’s from a past life circumstance) fully in the present moment, now and you are able to confront your beliefs about yourself, you can retrieve that missing piece of yourself. Only then you can merge and heal yourself fully, moving on into your true life or soul purpose.
Mental or Emotional Paralysis
Mental or emotional paralysis is often deeply internalized – through repeated internalization of thoughts and beliefs. I have extensive personal experience with PTSD and Generalized Anxiety Disorder, so can personally attest and relate to this situation. These cyclical thoughts and scenarios eventually become automated programs your brain learns how to trigger. The reason it WANTS to trigger these thoughts and scenarios – often seemingly randomly? Because it is ADDICTED to the adrenal producing hormones it releases by running those programs.
I am referring to an addiction to negative energy or negative emotions. Many people are addicted to these energies, in a very real, very physical way. There is a complex set of systems that the brain can trigger in order to release the addictive chemical (usually hormones) the body is capable of producing (frequently this is adrenaline). These programs are often stressful, emotional and mentally paralyzing. They become instrumental to the brain getting its addictive fix (the adrenal flush).
Once you understand this paradigm: that your brain can become addicted to a chemical your body produces and will use every mean at its disposal to manifest a fix, you can understand why the cyclical thought patterns become almost impossible to quell or stop. It is because the all the various programs your brain runs automatically to trigger the fix become memorized at the cellular membrane level so they can be activated at any given moment, subsequently resulting in auto-hyper-reactive anger, frustration, fear, panic, dissociation, retaliation or even phobias.
AHH-HAAA! I KNOW! At last you understand the WHY behind WHY you are so easily triggered into those toxic, negative emotions!
These emotions are based on thoughts and results in paralysis and an inability to face our own patterns we are using to create and attract our reality into our lives. The brain not only allows these cyclical thought patterns to grow in our mental pictures until they become the monsters in our closet or under our bed we cannot control on our own, but it actually facilitates this process as fast as possible so as to get it’s addictive fix.
Good GODDESS! Why oh WHY do we have such a monster lurking around in our head?
Paralysis in either spiritual or mental form results in an inability to move ahead in our careers, our personal lives and our spiritual life. It wrecks havoc on our physical health. Fear-triggered Paralysis if left untreated will encourage our negative habits to continue until they become addictions.
We will continue to experience unhealthy consequences in our lives and we will feel we are always running around reacting to life rather than proactively designing and manifesting our life. Thus, we are unable to heal and grow on our own.
How Do We Break Free of the Patterns and Attract Magic and Miracles?
The first thing we can do, as Empowered Goddesses, is to recognize our own patterns as soon as we possibly can.
Identify them, accept them and decide to redirect your energy and focus your choices on OPTIMAL outcomes, for yourself, for your relationships and for your life situations.
I also suggest learning how to take time out for yourself and JOURNAL so you can identify your key triggers. When you are angry, frustrated, stressed out, fearful, lashing out, ask yourself WHY. These feelings are powerful pointers that guide us back to our true nature and empower us to learn strategies and lessons so we can choose to feel better about our lives.
Unlike most folks, I’m not going to tell you it’s unhealthy to feel anger or frustration. I think anger and frustration are potent, powerful, life-serving energies, when we aren’t addicted to them and when they are directed carefully and strategically.
Look at MADD – Mothers Against Drunk Driving. This organization was started due to the seething anger of a mother who lost her child in a drunk driving accident. It’s now one of the most well-respected non-profit organizations in America.
You may be inclined to disagree, but I believe, and many others do as well, that it’s a perfectly healthy and wonderful sign that you are no longer dissociating from life if you can truly engage in and FEEL the full range of your feelings, positive and negative.
Finally, I’ll suggest to you to learn how to replace negative habits and addictions with positive practices and enlivening rituals, please download my FREE E-Book (the sign-up form is down below), The Ultimate Goddess Guide: Powerful Goddess Practices to Manifesting a Life of Your Dreams.